I hope she's sweet

If I really deserved the best, she wouldn't have been born.

Just as I suspected, the bastard goes to Ohio for a few days and there's already a bitch. Hearing his voice and knowing he came back for a visit made me get my stupid hopes up. Disgusting. I'm beyond foolish. I should've cut my own throat for that...not that hoping was any far off from it.

What's more, I heard about it from an 8-year-old. Anthony thinks he's so damn funny: "What were we talking about just now, Dylan?"
There it is.
There's the one person who could far surpass me without even having to know my weaknesses.
She already has my weakness.
"Kirsten."


Now just because he lacks any faith, confidence and sense of self-worth...I'm paying for it. Why the hell does he think he's doing me a favor by leaving? All I keep hearing is that he loves me but he's a bad person. Make up your mind, dammit! Are you bad or are you in love? They seem the same, but really there's a difference!
Be happy, be happy, be happy...well, I'm done trying to be happy for you. Understand that YOU made me fuckin happy! You made huge steps in changing your attitude, so much so that we honestly didn't have major problems in our relationship. I know you're not with the chick and I think you were trying to say the she's just "hot," not beautiful or gorgeous, but really, I'm done trying to read through everything everyone says. Can't someone just be straightforward for once?


Then we fought. Ahaha, the fighting....
There's was so much yelling, I thought I'd break apart. Apparently, I have no choice but to get over him because he's the bad guy. I know I can't force him to see anything in himself, but I just can't see how anyone could think love is a right/wrong deal. In love, we do a lot of things that are ultimately wrong, but we do it anyway. Sometimes there's regret and heartbreak, but that's just life. There's no love if you don't risk anything for it. But I know plenty of people who can't see that--they think love is perfect and that the only time love is love is when things are smooth. Love is laden with misery and chance. We just have to learn to take it all and carry it lightly on our shoulders. I know the world is cold and cruel. I know it'll turn its back in such an unforgiving way that it feels like it's killing you and ruining what you have, but we only accomplish the failures we worried about when we stop moving. So link hands, turn your back on it and run. Love, like life, is never perfection. Love is all the little sorrows and tragedies, all the triumphs and fluttery emotions, all the huge problems, all the wonderful memories and every superfluous fragmented piece somehow coexisitng in a way no one's ever seen. So if you're hurting and crying, don't say the love is over...sometimes it's just beginning. Don't hurt the one you love by thinking that way because of your lack of confidence or understanding of love. Most importantly, never say: "It should've happened by now."
My dears...love is never on time.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?