My heart always speaks before I know what it'll say

Let me make it radically clear...I hate Anthony. All posts prior to this that happen to have his name in it, besides the ones I've cursed him in, disregard. I make myself sick just looking at them. To think I could've ever thought such things. And at this point, his little "confusion" is just irritating. Make me believe what you want me to believe, but that's all I'll ever do. For once in YOUR fuckin life, I'll believe you, but it'll be take it or leave it because I certainly won't act on it. And why not if I believe you so much? It's just that I can never be too sure or too careful with you. ¡Bastardo!

Anyway, moving on to something worth speaking on. Did anyone out there know they took the gray wolves off the endangered species list? Curse those fucks! Do they not have any idea what they're doing? Obviously not considering yhat since I last read about it, people in Idaho and Montana have killed 35 wolves in 28 days. Goddamn, that's more than one wolf a day! What is wrong with people? Are we that violent, bloodthirsty and cruel? Who in their right mind can look at an animal and lose their heart? Tell me how that innocent animal is supposed to defend itself against a gun, and I might give you credit. For now, consider the freedom fighter in me fully awakened.
This is going to be the Canadian seal harvest all over again. I'll write a letter to someone every damn day if I have to. This needs to stop, especially since wolf season (that makes me sick to even hear) is this fall. How ironic, the time of my birthday is the time where brutes massacre my favorite animal. No, it's not happening. The population was supposed to be up between 2,000-5,000 before they even considered taking them off--so why? How would they benefit if an unstable species is wiped off the face of the earth? I thought they got money if they kept an animal on the list.

I've come to the conclusion that most people live in a fairy tale. It must be true because how else could they come up with these extravagantly thoughtless ideas? They hate doctors because "they don't know what they're doing." I suppose years of schooling gets you nowehere around here. They brutally massacre wolves because they see them as a threat. Gee, I thought all our houses were made of bricks, but then again, you never know when they'll attack your poor dauther (her name is Little Red, by the way. Jesus, this must be a joke). They say journalists lie. Oh sure, we live in fantasyland right there with you, nowhere in our schooling are we ever taught the value of truth and libel is just a little prank we made up. Trust us, we don't care. They think immigrants are going to take "all the good jobs." What, with all those aspiring janitors in the world, they're bound to destroy someone's dream sooner or later! Not that they can't go for higher jobs, oh, no, no! We're not saying that. They could rightly get an education! And so could their children! Drat, we're finished! Not that we could get our own goddamn education.


Yeah, eat that one up, kiddies. Before you become a wasteful average Joe/Jane, consdier the fact that maybe if you'd know any better, things would seem a little better for you. I have a strong belief that people with assinine beliefs did something to screw themselves over, therefore they feel the need to screw others over. Not that they necessarily know what screwed them over, but notice what kind of people usually believe these fairy-tale-gone-wrong ideals. So to wrap it up...Anthony is a fuck, put the wolves back on the endangered list, come out of fantasy land, blame yourself if you're a fuck up and for fuck's sake use a napkin....





















Please forgive me;
I was raised by wolves.

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues

Running.
Everyone is running.
We're all scattered.

It didn't quite hit home when my ex, of which I realized I haven't yet put his name down (it's Anthony, by the way), left for Ohio on Thursday. His mom has become one of the nomads precariously slipping off the edge and wandering about for work to stay alive. Who knows how long they're going to be gone. They said it was just a few weeks, but webs can be spun in all but a day or two. They could end up stuck.
It's not that I didn't care and I just watched him leave without a feeling in my veins. I cried. I really did.
Even when I found out they were coming back "soon," I cried. Bastardo....
I guess I was just feeling numb.

And maybe, just maybe, I took the liberty of doing everything I have done today just to cope with it. I got up right when the alarm went off, put on my new shoes, new blouse, new pants, my favorite necklace and some of my best earrings. I looked so good (I assume) that the first thing I heard as I tried to get in the car was honking and hollering from a man that looked like someone from ZZ-Top speeding down my street. I went to class listening to London After Midnight and feeling really awesome. So awesome, in fact, that chills went down my spine. I stayed in the newsroom longer than I had to just because I felt like staying in there and looking upon the staff. I left with some more London After Midnight echoing. I got home, helped my friend retaliate against her overbearing step-father and made the guy's daughter cry because she was a huge bitch to Aalyssa. I felt even better and tried calling up Andy, but I couldn't get a hold of him. So I dropped Frances a line and we took off to the mall, ate and shopped. I even got a call from my best friend from elementary school earlier.
And now, I just might go to a party with Suzy, Crisitan and Matt at 11. And while I'm at it, I just may sit with the guru. He's a good man. A great man. Believe me, he and I can see many tomorrows together.

All the while, I keep thinking of Anthony. As Vanessa and I discussed earlier when she called, it seems so wrong of us to think of our exes. But we do, and we're just funny people for it. And now that I look at all I've done today...I've just been running. Maybe I hoped that freedom wasn't too far off.

On a different note, let me speak on the Obama issue.
First thing, just because he's friends with a racist shitbag doesn't mean he's a racist shitbag. Okay? Got it? Good.
Oh, why not, you say? Because I can be friends with someone who's adamantly hates black people, for instance. As long as he doesn't talk about it around me, I can force myself to overlook it...and also because there could be a possibility that I didn't know the person was racist until later in our friendship. In turn, after the person and I had gone through a lot, I wouldn't be able to just dump them. There's too much friendship there. And just because he used his grandmother as an example doesn't mean he's so tightly knit to that guy that it's almost a family level. Seriously, that's the most ridiculous fuckin unwarranted assumption I've ever heard. Get a grip. Goddamn.

On the flip side, everyone bitching about Fox News and how everyone is acting like they hate Obama, you know what? They hate Hillary and McCain, too. Every last one of them. Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration, but my point is that there are always going to be people who hate whoever or whatever it is you like. There are going to be people who take it too far and there are going to be people who say/do supremely idiotic things. That doesn't mean, however, that you should go around acting like you've hammered your brains out with an actual fuckin hammer. You people need to get a grip, too. You say: "Oh, they edited out the most important part of his speech out, those fuckers!" but in turn, you go around quoting people and making videos editing out important parts of their commentary. Sounds like a double standard and it smells like shit. Don't do it. You're making us Democrats look like whiners, which is exactly how the stereotype goes. Stereotypes = bad.

Really, both sides need to stop dicking around. It's stupid.

FREE TIBET!

I've been keeping up with the Tibet issue for a little while now, and let me just say--I'm digusted.

I can't even fathom why China would take over Tibet in the first place! Then they don't even understand why the fuck so many people are angry. Now I open my newspaper and see pictures of people about to be beaten and a monk with blood on his face from a wound recieved to the head. I can see that maybe they were pushing the violence thing, but why the monks and all the innocent people?
And all the officials in Beijing seem to worry about is the fuckin Olympics. I mean, after all, everyone loves sports way more than important issues.
Hey, guys, here's an idea: set them free and you won't have to worry about it anymore.
If not for the sake of human lives, but for the sake of your own sanity, you know?

And how is it that it's suddenly the Dali Lama's fault? How the fuck would it be his fault, anyway? I know I don't know the guy, but I doubt someone who's won the Nobel Peace Price on several occasions would be an evil villain by night.

The Chinese government is trying to say they're reforming their policy. Haha, give me a fuckin break! I really couldn't tell in the midst of all the chaos. Man, you guys are really good actors, goddamn it. You sure had us fooled. Now I can sleep easily with a stupid grin on my face!

And why is it the fault of the Tibetan people? You invaded their land and STOLE their culture and identity! You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. Then they have the nerve to call the Tibetan's plan "ignorant." Please, someone tell me how it's ignorant. How is wanting something that's rightfully yours, something all humans have a right to, back a hair-brained idea? I'll show you hair-brained--taking a country for no real reason and brutally instilling policies that hurt the innocent. Yeah! Hey, everyone! Let's go out there, take any country we want and take away everything they have! Why? Because it's there!

Speaking of which...Mt. Everest is suddenly closed. The Chinese government doesn't want a repeat of what happened the time these hikers hoisted a "Free Tibet" flag and posted the act over the internet. Way to have everything under control.

Back to the blame game, China says the Tibetans are easily manipulated simply because they refuse to speak Mandarin. That allows them to be suceptible. Okay, so maybe not knowing a language can leave you vulnerable, especially when the country that speaks it...you know...owns you. I do believe, however, claiming that admits that there are people who manipulate them. Nothing gives them that right. Excuse the Tibetans for trying to keep a little dignity in wanting their own language. In fact, excuse the world for having culture. Excuse us all for believing in a little freedom now and again.

The love of power is too strong.
It looks like Jimi Hendrix's idea won't be fulfilled any time soon.

And that's a shame.

All I can say is, keep on fighting in what you believe in, guys.
You know you're right.
And it's not just the Tibetans--it's everyone.
Stand up for yourself and others.
Stop being afraid.